文书是美本申请中至关重要的一环，也是很多同学在申请过程中最头疼的一项。每年，哈佛大学校报（Crimson）都会公布10篇优秀的新生文书，为申请者提供参考。
随着2023届申请季开始，同学们陆续进入了主文书的构思和写作阶段。为此，智友留学为大家整理了哈佛大学最新发布的优秀文书及专家点评，一起来看看吧！
Successful Harvard Essay:
Homeless for Thirteen Years
I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.
For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.”
That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer.
A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true?
Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color.
I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.
诚实的、令人心碎的、强大的。
这是我们阅读Eda的文书后，首先想到的三个词。
我们喜欢Eda的文书的地方在于，它有令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的申请文书“太”完美了，而Eda不会扭曲真相，即使承认她的内心想法可能会给她带来负面的印象。例如，她以她在父母床上哭泣的场景开始整篇文书，并将自己的不幸归咎于他们。通过如此诚实的描述，Eda展示了她随着时间的推移，得到真正的成长。
在整篇文书中，她的个人声音也很强烈。当她谈到爱上“那栋黄色的房子”时，我们脑海中会自动浮现出这栋房子的形象；当她谈到得知“那栋黄色房子”被卖给另一个家庭时所经历的心碎时，我们也感到心痛。她故意选择“播放”发送给她的语音邮件，随后展示了她的真实想法，这进一步促使我们与她一起重温她的经历。
然而，她不仅仅分享了她的经历，还强调了这段经历是多么不寻常。她没有和其他13岁同龄女生一样闲聊化妆品或鞋子，而是与房产中介谈论固定利率、抵押贷款和首付……虽然她没有明确说明这一点（她不需要这样做）：很明显，Eda不得不快速成长，成为一个更强大的人。
她对“家”这个词的理解，从她头顶上物理意义的屋顶演变为更抽象的屋顶。家，就是她的“回忆和欢笑”所在的地方。最后，她接受了父母做出的牺牲，并学会为自己的成长感到自豪。
Eda是一个能够克服任何挑战的人，这使她从众多申请者中脱颖而出。
Successful Harvard Essay: Yukta
Garishly lined with a pearlescent lavender, my eyes idly scanned the haphazard desk in front of me, settling on a small kohl. I packed the ebony powder into my waterline with a shaky hand, wincing at the fine specks making their way into my eyes.
The girl in the mirror seemed sharper, older, somehow. At only 12, I was relatively new to the powders and blushes that lined my birthday makeup kit, but I was determined to decipher the deep splashes of color that had for so long been an enigma to me.
After school involved self-inflicted solitary confinement, as I shut myself in my bedroom to hone my skills. The palette’s colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes. Much to my chagrin, my mom walked in one day, amused at my smudged lipstick, which congealed on the wispy hairs that lined my upper lip.
“Halloween already?” she asked playfully.
I flushed in embarrassment as she got to work, smoothing my skin with a brush and filling the gaps in my squiggly liner. Becoming a makeup aficionado was going to take some help.
“What’s this even made of?” I asked, transfixed by the bright powder she was smattering on my cheeks.
“You know, I’m not sure,” she murmured. “Maybe you should find out.”
Hours down the internet rabbit hole, I learned that the shimmery powder was made of mica, a mineral commonly used in cosmetics. While the substance was dazzling, its production process was steeped in humanitarian violations and environmental damage. Determined to reconcile my burgeoning love for makeup with my core values, I flung the kit into the corner of my drawer, vowing to find a more sustainable alternative. Yes, I was every bit as dramatic as you imagine it.
Now 17, I approach ethical makeup with assured deliberation. As I glance at my dusty kit, which still sits where I left it, I harken back on the journey it has taken me on. Without the reckoning that it spurred, makeup would still simply be a tool of physical transformation, rather than a catalyst of personal growth.
Now, each swipe of eyeliner is a stroke of my pen across paper as I write a children’s book about conscious consumerism. My flitting fingers programmatically place sparkles, mattes, and tints across my face in the same way that they feverishly move across a keyboard, watching algorithms and graphs integrate into models of supply chain transparency. Makeup has taught me to be unflinching, both in self expression and my expectations for the future. I coat my lips with a bold sheen, preparing them to form words of unequivocal urgency at global conferences and casual discussions. I see my passion take flight, emboldening others to approach their own reckonings, uncomfortable as they may be. I embark on a two-year journey of not buying new clothes in a statement against mass consumption and rally youth into a unified organization. We stand together, picking at the gritty knots of makeup, corporate accountability, and sustainability as they slowly unravel.
I’m not sure why makeup transfixes me. Perhaps it’s because I enjoy seeing my reveries take shape. Yukta, the wannabe Wicked Witch of the West, has lids coated with emerald luster and lips of coal. Yukta, the Indian classical dancer, wields thick eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick that allow her expressions to be amplified across a stage. Deep rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.
Perhaps I am also drawn to makeup because as I peel back the layers, I am still wholly me. I am still the young girl staring wide-eyed at her reflection, earnestly questioning in an attempt to learn more about the world. Most importantly, I still carry an unflagging vigor to coalesce creativity and activism into palpable change, one brushstroke at a time.
这个学生通过一个像化妆品一样常见的家庭用品，展开了独特且接受度高的叙述。这个物品被赋予在她个人和文化身份的方方面面，使读者能够立即了解到这个学生的个性。她通过对周围环境的观察，带我们走进她的世界，并在不偏离主题的情况下，讲述了一段成长的故事。
这位学生在叙事性和创造性写作元素之间取得了平衡，而这正是成功的个人陈述所不可或缺的。作者让我们瞥见了她多年来的个人发展，将化妆作为自我反省和发现的媒介。她巧妙地利用化妆品系列的颜色和元素，展开了生动的描述。她对于意象的灵活运用也成为这篇文书成功的关键。她利用一个很容易与消费主义、“肤浅”联系在一起的物品，来支持她所倡导的社会和道德的斗争。
我们还看到，这篇文书的作者有一个明确的声音。当许多学生试图通过各种各样的描写来提升写作水平时，这位作者能够操纵一种充满活力的写作风格，并保持吸引力、节奏和分寸。通过这篇文书的每一个字，我们了解到作者关心什么：有意识的消费主义、创造力和行动主义；我们也了解到她是如何思考的：好奇、无私，并带有女权主义色彩。
作者在这篇文书的开头采用了一个文书写作的成功策略，即用丰富的形容词详细描述了一个小的场景，并对本人及其在社会中的地位给出更广义的评论。最后，这名学生的文书对自己的申请形象进行了补充，帮助读者了解她多年以来的倡议、可持续性实践、以及她想要为身边的人带来积极的影响。
Successful Harvard Essay:
Beauty in Complexity
Gazing up at the starry sky, I see Cygnus, Hercules, and Pisces, remnants of past cultures. I listen to waves crash on the beach, the forces of nature at work. Isn’t it odd how stars are flaming spheres and electrical impulses make beings sentient? The very existence of our world is a wonder; what are the odds that this particular planet developed all the necessary components, parts that all work in unison, to support life? How do they interact? How did they come to be? I thought back to how my previously simplistic mind-set evolved this past year.
At Balboa, juniors and seniors join one of five small learning communities, which are integrated into the curriculum. Near the end of sophomore year, I ranked my choices: Law Academy first—it seemed the most prestigious—and WALC, the Wilderness Arts and Literacy Collaborative, fourth. So when I was sorted into WALC, I felt disappointed at the inflexibility of my schedule and bitter toward my classes. However, since students are required to wait at least a semester before switching pathways, I stayed in WALC. My experiences that semester began shifting my ambition-oriented paradigm to an interest-oriented one. I didn’t switch out.
Beyond its integrated classes, WALC takes its students on trips to natural areas not only to build community among its students, but also to explore complex natural processes and humanity’s role in them. Piecing these lessons together, I create an image of our universe. I can visualize the carving of glacial valleys, the creation and gradation of mountains by uplift and weathering, and the transportation of nutrients to and from ecosystems by rivers and salmon. I see these forces on the surface of a tiny planet rotating on its axis and orbiting the sun, a gem in this vast universe. Through WALC, I have gained an intimate understanding of natural systems and an addiction to understanding the deep interconnections embedded in our cosmos.
Understanding a system’s complex mechanics not only satisfies my curiosity, but also adds beauty to my world; my understanding of tectonic and gradational forces allows me to appreciate mountains and coastlines beyond aesthetics. By physically going to the place described in WALC’s lessons, I have not only gained the tools to admire these systems, but have also learned to actually appreciate them. This creates a thirst to see more beauty in a world that’s filled with poverty and violence, and a hunger for knowledge to satisfy that thirst. There are so many different systems to examine and dissect—science alone has universal, planetary, molecular, atomic, and subatomic scales to investigate. I hope to be able to find my interests by taking a variety of courses in college, and further humanity’s understanding through research, so that all can derive a deeper appreciation for the complex systems that govern this universe.
Tony的文书以在观星为开篇，向读者展示他对自然界、无生命体和生命本身的无限好奇心。这种天真的奇思妙想被艺术性地呈现出来，但这篇文书成功的原因是，作者能够思考深刻的概念而不至于迷失。
故事围绕一个看似毫不相干的事情展开：一次随机的选择将Tony分配到荒野艺术方向，而不是他更喜欢的法律，因此他很痛苦。
我们从他承认自己受制于 "以野心为导向的范式"，而不是学习他最感兴趣的东西中，看到了他的脆弱。然而，通过文书的其余部分，我们发现，Tony继续学习荒野艺术的决定彻底改变了他。他的视角从“简单化思维”转变为沉迷于“理解我们宇宙中的深层联系”。
Tony的文字中蕴含着力量，让我们看到了他潜在的思想广度和热情。从想象 "冰川山谷的雕刻 "，到陶醉于自然系统的复杂机制，这篇文书展示了Tony对整个世界的赞赏。
观察到Tony对生命关联性的知识渴求，我们更加坚信，他不断广阔的视角将引导他的学习进入更多令人兴奋的未知领域。
My Ye-Ye always wears a red baseball cap. I think he likes the vivid color—bright and sanguine, like himself. When Ye-Ye came from China to visit us seven years ago, he brought his red cap with him and every night for six months, it sat on the stairway railing post of my house, waiting to be loyally placed back on Ye-Ye’s head the next morning. He wore the cap everywhere: around the house, where he performed magic tricks with it to make my little brother laugh; to the corner store, where he bought me popsicles before using his hat to wipe the beads of summer sweat off my neck. Today whenever I see a red hat, I think of my Ye-Ye and his baseball cap, and I smile.
Ye-Ye is the Mandarin word for “grandfather.” My Ye-Ye is a simple, ordinary person—not rich, not “successful”—but he is my greatest source of inspiration and I idolize him. Of all the people I know, Ye-Ye has encountered the most hardship and of all the people I know, Ye-Ye is the most joyful. That these two aspects can coexist in one individual is, in my mind, truly remarkable.
Ye-Ye was an orphan. Both his parents died before he was six years old, leaving him and his older brother with no home and no family. When other children gathered to read around stoves at school, Ye-Ye and his brother walked in the bitter cold along railroad tracks, looking for used coal to sell. When other children ran home to loving parents, Ye-Ye and his brother walked along the streets looking for somewhere to sleep. Eight years later, Ye-Ye walked alone—his brother was dead.
Ye-Ye managed to survive, and in the meanwhile taught himself to read, write, and do arithmetic. Life was a blessing, he told those around him with a smile.
Years later, Ye-Ye’s job sent him to the Gobi Desert, where he and his fellow workers labored for twelve hours a day. The desert wind was merciless; it would snatch their tent in the middle of the night and leave them without supply the next morning. Every year, harsh weather took the lives of some fellow workers.
After eight years, Ye-Ye was transferred back to the city where his wife lay sick in bed. At the end of a twelve-hour workday, Ye-Ye took care of his sick wife and three young children. He sat with the children and told them about the wide, starry desert sky and mysterious desert lives. Life was a blessing, he told them with a smile.
But life was not easy; there was barely enough money to keep the family from starving. Yet, my dad and his sisters loved going with Ye-Ye to the market. He would buy them little luxuries that their mother would never indulge them in: a small bag of sunflower seeds for two cents, a candy each for three cents. Luxuries as they were, Ye-Ye bought them without hesitation. Anything that could put a smile on the children’s faces and a skip in their steps was priceless.
Ye-Ye still goes to the market today. At the age of seventy-eight, he bikes several kilometers each week to buy bags of fresh fruits and vegetables, and then bikes home to share them with his neighbors. He keeps a small patch of strawberries and an apricot tree. When the fruit is ripe, he opens his gate and invites all the children in to pick and eat. He is Ye-Ye to every child in the neighborhood.
I had always thought that I was sensible and self-aware. But nothing has made me stare as hard in the mirror as I did after learning about the cruel past that Ye-Ye had suffered and the cheerful attitude he had kept throughout those years. I thought back to all the times when I had gotten upset. My mom forgot to pick me up from the bus station. My computer crashed the day before an assignment was due. They seemed so trivial and childish, and I felt deeply ashamed of myself.
Now, whenever I encounter an obstacle that seems overwhelming, I think of Ye-Ye; I see him in his red baseball cap, smiling at me. Like a splash of cool water, his smile rouses me from grief, and reminds me how trivial my worries are and how generous life has been. Today I keep a red baseball cap at the railing post at home where Ye-Ye used to put his every night. Whenever I see the cap, I think of my Ye-Ye, smiling in his red baseball cap, and I smile. Yes, Ye-Ye. Life is a blessing.
Yueming的文书是一篇申请文书的完美范例，它准确地完成了它应该做的事情：它丰富了Yueming的形象，并让招生委员会了解到其他申请材料中没有展现的东西。Yueming用他爷爷的棒球帽的故事，向读者讲述了对他来说重要的东西，并展示了他独特的人格特征。
尽管大部分文本都是专门讲述爷爷的传记，但这篇文书不仅仅是关于爷爷的。爷爷的整个故事是最后几段的前奏，揭示了Yueming性格中最重要的方面。就像在生活中一样，我们祖先的过去是后代历史的前奏，而后代的历史还在不断上演。这种微妙的平行，乍看之下并不明显，但能让读者深刻了解Yueming的个性，以及他洞察事物本质的天赋。
在这篇文书中，Yueming展示了自己从他人经验中学习的能力，突出了自己的韧性，以及从爷爷那里获得的积极心态。这些品质对于未来的哈佛学生来说是必不可少的。而且“生活是一种祝福”，这一能力将在校园内外都得到展现。
James was not fitting in with everyone else. During lunch, he sat alone, playing with his own toys. During group activities, the other campers always complained when paired with him. What was wrong? As camp counselor, I quietly observed his behavior—nothing out of the ordinary. I just couldn’t fathom why the other campers treated him like a pariah.
After three days of ostracism, James broke down during a game of soccer. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he slumped off the field, head in his hands. I jogged toward him, my forehead creased with concern. Some campers loudly remarked, “Why is that creep crying?” Furious indignation leaped into my heart. They were the ones who “accidentally” bumped into him and called him “James the Freak.” It was their cruelty that caused his meltdown, and now they were mocking him for it. I sharply told them to keep their thoughts to themselves. I squatted beside James and asked him what was wrong. Grunting, he turned his back to me. I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers.
“I have a question,” I asked as James began to warm to me. I took a deep breath and dove right into the problem. “Why do the other campers exclude you?” Hesitantly, he took off his shoes and socks, and pointed at his left foot. One, two, three … four. He had four toes. We had gone swimming two days before: All the campers must have noticed. I remembered my childhood, when even the smallest abnormality—a bad haircut, a missing tooth—could cause others, including myself, to shrink away. I finally understood.
But what could I do to help? I scoured my mind for the words to settle his demons. But nothing came to me. Impulsively, I hugged him—a gesture of intimacy we camp leaders were encouraged not to initiate, and an act I later discovered no friend had ever offered James before. Then, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. I assured him that external features didn’t matter, and that as long as he was friendly, people would eventually come around. I listed successful individuals who had not been hindered by their abnormalities. And finally, I told him he would always be my favorite camper, regardless of whether he had two, five, or a hundred toes.
On the last day of camp, I was jubilant—James was starting to fit in. Although the teasing had not completely disappeared, James was speaking up and making friends. And when, as we were saying our good-byes, James gave me one last hug and proclaimed that I was his “bestest friend in the whole wide world,” my heart swelled up. From my campers, I learned that working with children is simply awesome. And from James, I learned that a little love truly goes a long way.
在这篇文书中，Charles Wong讲述自己看到他人被排挤的常见事件，并解释了他如何与之抗争。在描述自己做营地辅导员的经历中，Charles不仅表达了对他人的深切关心，还展示了自己解决问题的思维过程。他不只是向读者讲述这些个人特征，而是通过事例来展示。有针对性地“展示”而不是“讲述”，这是一项绝佳的写作策略。
首先，Charles从他对具体场景的描述作为文章的开头，语气随意而直接。他在事例中了包含重要的细节，但文字并不冗余，整篇文书简洁易懂。虽然这种方法似乎不够成熟，但它反映了Charles原始、真实的想法。读者能感受到他的关心；Charles的文书带领我们走进他真正的困境。此外，他描述的善举——鼓舞人心的谈话、拥抱——都让我们深入了解他的性格。这些在文书中展现出的细节，描绘了Charles善良而聪明的形象，而这两点在任何大学校园里都是很重要的。
此外，Charles不仅分享了他如何解决这个问题，并将其扩展到日常生活中。他从看似平凡的经历中领悟了意义，并解释了这段经历如何改变了他的整个心态。这种有意识地成长的能力，表明Charles拥有从生活中学习的动力，而不是只会读书的学生。
下期，智友留学将为大家分享剩余五篇优秀文书，敬请期待！
https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2022/
